Believing

A funny thing happened this week.  I was going about my business in my non-work world when I got an email from my boss, apologizing for bothering me on leave but asking if I had time to talk "today" so that he could give me some updates.  Intriguing!  Of course I needed to know as soon as possible to stop the 75 worst case scenarios from spilling over in my brain.

We had a great call, and as it turns out, I will be going back to work with broadened responsibility; another business to manage and an expanded team.
Huh.
I suppose it should make me feel good (and it does) that the company could do a major reorganization and have enough faith in me, who has been absent for almost 3 months, to give me more.  At the same time though it has had some side effects.  Number 1, I've been thinking about work much more since I got this news. And Number 2, um, a little bit of pressure on the newly working mother don't you think??  I'm not even sure that I can handle my "old" responsibilities balanced against being a mom, and now I will have even more?  Someone out there believes that I can do it, and is confident that this is a good business decision.  Now I wonder how long it will take for me to believe it.

This is actually related to another topic of conversation that has come up since the Little One was born.  For the previous 11 years, since I started work, the goal has been to advance.  To succeed.  To continue to move forward.  Promotions have validated my efforts, and my eye has always been on the next big thing.  I've been wondering whether that will still be my goal or whether I need some time to just 'be' where I am in my career.  Maybe that would help me balance.  But even if that's what I want to do, I'm not sure I know how....  sounds funny but why would I not always want to be doing the best that I can at work?  And how do I tone it down??  There is a new book that is coming out related to moms... has to do with "good enough" being the new "perfect"...or something like that.  Yikes, that is so scary to me!

I guess I will just have to see how things go.  The bright side of these new responsibilities I am coming back to is that it is actually adding a bit of excitement to my return.  And I do think I need something like that to focus on in my transition.

Now, if I only had pants to wear ;-)

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

Eleven short days from today I return to work.  You know, that other full time job that actually comes with a paycheck written in dollars rather than kisses and smiles.  The past 10 weeks have been dedicated to the Little One, basically day after day of complete and utter mommyhood bliss.  Feeding, changing, playing, lots and lots of staring.  I have been loving every single moment of being home with him but, unfortunately living in the economic bubble that is the suburbs of NY... staying home forever just isn't a viable option. Well, not if we want to do things like pay the mortgage.

Returning to work-- the commuting, the responsibility, the how-will-I-manage-all-the-extra-hours-I-used-to-work-- is the obvious change but not the only one.  I started this blog in order to write about/digest/share/hopefully make sense of the many transitions that naturally happen at time like this, and that leave me asking "how will I ever be able to fit [x] in?"  I did a pretty poor at balancing different aspects of my life before...I definitely have my work cut out for me! 

My first challenge will be how I manage to show up to work wearing something appropriate which is neither falling off of me (maternity clothes too big) nor looks painted on (my old clothes). Those are the only two categories that the contents of my closet fall into right now. Shopping is necessary, but who wants to spend $ on clothes that will hopefully not fit for very long?  Whoever said breastfeeding helps you lose weight forgot the end of that sentence.  Breastfeeding helps you lose weight to a point, and it doesn't put humpty dumpty back together in exactly the same shape!