Details

We just returned from a great family vacation, where AJ got to spend lots of time with his grandparents and uncles and aunt, and of course with Joe and I.  What a treat it was for me to be around him day in and day out for an entire 9 days!  Total heaven.  As a result, yesterday coming back to work was a little harder than usual.  When I got home last night I realized how big he really is getting and how much more expressive and full of personality he is becoming now that he is almost 6 months old.  There are the physical differences-- he's taller (longer?), his hair is almost all grown in, he has great control over his hands and arms and grabs at EVERYTHING now-- and the personality differences-- he knows what he wants  (to be held) and what he doesn't want (pears, bananas, squash) and he will let you know it!  He is really transitioning into a little person, our little person.

Our nanny starts today.  A week home with Joe before he goes back to work so that she can  learn our routine and get to know AJ better.  Today I think Joe realized what kind of a transition this is going to be for him, and he is sad.  Which is in turn making me sad all over again for him and for me.  It was one thing to leave every day and know AJ was home with his dad.  Now, at this expressive and fun age we are turning responsibility over to someone else.  I feel like the hours in a day just shrunk even more, as Joe and I will both be rushing home at night to get some precious limited time with our little guy.

In thinking about this I realized how many of the women I know are actually stay at home moms.  The raw number is not high but as a percentage of total women with kids that I'm friends with, it is high.  The grass is always greener, I'm sure, and calculating it out for the 200th time wouldn't change the fact that its financially pretty impossible for one of us to stay home.  I am also jealous of the Canadians, since I learned that standard practice there is a one year maternity leave (but they also have Justin Beiber, so I guess we break even).

When I envisioned having kids, I didn't know enough to think about the little things that would make me smile on a daily basis.  Like AJ becoming so adept at eating rice cereal, noticing how his reaction to his reflection in the mirror has changed over time, and noticing when he notices something new, like shadows.  I never thought of the details and certainly never imagined the pure joy that is buried in them.  Everything else seems unimportant, as evidenced by my writing this at my desk at work when my to-do list is multiple pages.

And now I have to go make myself look presentable for a meeting I have in 20 minutes.  AJ didn't get my ugly crying genes, thankfully!