Today I am sporting a fierce 4 day weekend hangover. Not from overindulging (or indulging at all) in spiked cider this Thanksgiving weekend, but from 4 glorious uninterrupted days with my little sweetie, and after 4 days of all-AJ-all-the-time I am missing him like crazy. When the nanny came this morning, he wasn't exactly resistant, but he also didn't crawl to her with the same vigor that he would on a normal week.
This weekend was also fun because we got to see AJ in so many new situations-- at a big Thanksgiving dinner table--where he was almost the loudest one, around other babies--where we stopped him before he could crawl on top of his adorable, but unsuspecting little friend, and at a Christmas 'fair' type thing where 40 Christmas trees nor Santa himself could impress him! So much fun to watch him have these new experiences, and I wish I could introduce him to things like that each and every day.
Has it gotten easier for me since I came back to work in May? Somewhat. Some days I do what I need to do like clockwork, but days like today I still worry. About whether he will go down for his naps ok, whether he will want to be held all day, whether she will recognize the new 'games' he likes to play, like 'roll the tangerine across the room' or 'keep dropping the rubber blocks on the tile'. Those are my favorites too :-)
Monday, November 28, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Baby I'm Amazed
AJ is 9 months old. He is now as old as it took to make him! Its no exaggeration that I am amazed at him every day, and months 7-9 have really been incredible. Just in the past few weeks he has become even more communicative. He mimics us, he does "SO BIG!", he waves bye-bye, and today my heart nearly melted when he gave me a kiss! Well, a "kiss" to AJ is opening his mouth and putting it on my cheek, but still, we have a tiny human who responds with this action when I say "give mommy a kiss" and that totally blows my mind.
Some days I just look at him and think that I don't know what I have done in my life to deserve such happiness. Though I can recall the actions that filled mine and Joe's days before AJ came along, I can't recall what it was like to not feel this love that now overflows my heart. When I get this way, I swear that the sappy pregnancy hormones never actually left me, but I think thats part of what makes a mom a mom.
I just can't wait to see what is next!
Monday, November 7, 2011
weekend warriors
What a weekend! After a full week of dinner meeting for work, I successfully re-introduced myself to AJ this weekend, and it was so much fun! I realize every day what a good kid he is, and it makes me nervous about any future babies; we can't possibly get this lucky twice!
I had been absolutely dreading turning the clocks back. It was not uncommon for AJ to start stirring in the morning by 6am, which would mean after time changes that our day would start at 5am. Well, we survived so far. The day was a little off, but this morning he woke up at 5:45, which, all things considered really wasn't the worst that could have happened. This weekend we also saw our first tooth! Its just barely through his gum, but its there, and he's feeling it. He doesn't appear to be in too much pain, but um, I wasn't aware of the very scary so much drool that he's CHOKING on it! When he is laying on his back while I'm changing him, he could do voiceovers for Darth Vader, his breathing sounds so awful because its just so gooey in there. A few times he has just started coughing and choking while playing because it goes down the wrong pipe. Poor kid.
He also has laser like focus on any item that he knows he is not supposed to have. The remote, the phone, his monitor, the fan, wires, paper, plants, shoes--- oh my gosh he is fascinated by shoes. I know this makes it sound like I have not childproofed one square foot of my home, but we have. Its just that when we're holding him and walking around, he spots one of these and tries to lunge out of our arms for it. His favorite activity of all though, is taking two of his plastic stacking rings-- one in each hand, and crawling (rings in hand) ove rto the tile par of the floor, and then repeatedly throwing the rings onto the floor. Crawl, throw, find, throw, find, throw. He loves the sound it makes! I'm not sure if its a coincidence that our tenant has let us know she will be moving out by the end of the year....
In addition to chasing speedy gonzales and mopping up drool puddles, the other physical activity I actually managed this weekend was yoga. I had gotten a Groupon for a new Bikram place that opened up nearby and finally got to use it. Before getting pregnant and before hurting my hip, I was doing Bikram a few times a week for about 6 months. I was finally getting pretty good at most of the poses and tolerating the heat. It had been about a year and a half since my last class and oh man... today I can barely move. Picking up AJ was like a feat of superhuman strength since turning over in bed practically took a miracle. I'll be aiming for 2x a week now. It felt really amazing to do something physical again. And like always with Bikram I leave class feeling an amazing balance of having gotten my butt kicked and having just woken up from a very restful nap. I'm not sure it would be my preferred activity if I had all the choice in the world, but it will work for me for now.
And now, its back to work, where hopefully someone will bring me lunch so I don't have to alarm my hamstrings and actually get up out of my chair.
I had been absolutely dreading turning the clocks back. It was not uncommon for AJ to start stirring in the morning by 6am, which would mean after time changes that our day would start at 5am. Well, we survived so far. The day was a little off, but this morning he woke up at 5:45, which, all things considered really wasn't the worst that could have happened. This weekend we also saw our first tooth! Its just barely through his gum, but its there, and he's feeling it. He doesn't appear to be in too much pain, but um, I wasn't aware of the very scary so much drool that he's CHOKING on it! When he is laying on his back while I'm changing him, he could do voiceovers for Darth Vader, his breathing sounds so awful because its just so gooey in there. A few times he has just started coughing and choking while playing because it goes down the wrong pipe. Poor kid.
He also has laser like focus on any item that he knows he is not supposed to have. The remote, the phone, his monitor, the fan, wires, paper, plants, shoes--- oh my gosh he is fascinated by shoes. I know this makes it sound like I have not childproofed one square foot of my home, but we have. Its just that when we're holding him and walking around, he spots one of these and tries to lunge out of our arms for it. His favorite activity of all though, is taking two of his plastic stacking rings-- one in each hand, and crawling (rings in hand) ove rto the tile par of the floor, and then repeatedly throwing the rings onto the floor. Crawl, throw, find, throw, find, throw. He loves the sound it makes! I'm not sure if its a coincidence that our tenant has let us know she will be moving out by the end of the year....
In addition to chasing speedy gonzales and mopping up drool puddles, the other physical activity I actually managed this weekend was yoga. I had gotten a Groupon for a new Bikram place that opened up nearby and finally got to use it. Before getting pregnant and before hurting my hip, I was doing Bikram a few times a week for about 6 months. I was finally getting pretty good at most of the poses and tolerating the heat. It had been about a year and a half since my last class and oh man... today I can barely move. Picking up AJ was like a feat of superhuman strength since turning over in bed practically took a miracle. I'll be aiming for 2x a week now. It felt really amazing to do something physical again. And like always with Bikram I leave class feeling an amazing balance of having gotten my butt kicked and having just woken up from a very restful nap. I'm not sure it would be my preferred activity if I had all the choice in the world, but it will work for me for now.
And now, its back to work, where hopefully someone will bring me lunch so I don't have to alarm my hamstrings and actually get up out of my chair.
Monday, October 17, 2011
What Success Means To Me
Did you ever have to write that essay in school about What Success Means to You? I think we all had to write that. I'm not going to write about success today. Today I am going to write about what "Gross" means to me. What I realized from motherhood is that my definition of "gross"-- much like one's definition of success-- has changed significantly over time. Specifically in the past 8 months. No, make that the last 17 months.
The thing is, I don't know what is actually gross anymore. Its really hard to gross me out these days. Ok moldy food will still do it every time, but I realized that since pregnancy began and AJ was born, there is really very little that makes me say "ew".
Here are some things that I cannot believe I now find even marginally acceptable:
These things are just part of life now, and I can't not smile at them. And aside from my clothes not looking so pristine, and the fact that you may not want to shake my hand anymore, I guess I figure, he is a baby, how yucky can his stuff really be? Some day he will be move into real boyhood, with dirt and worms and smelly [insert sport here] gear. And then I think I will have a new definition of gross once again.
The thing is, I don't know what is actually gross anymore. Its really hard to gross me out these days. Ok moldy food will still do it every time, but I realized that since pregnancy began and AJ was born, there is really very little that makes me say "ew".
Here are some things that I cannot believe I now find even marginally acceptable:
- When I leave the house to run an errand and realize I have a spit up stain on my shoulder.
- And then keep going.
- Wiping drool off of AJs chin/face/hands/clothes with my bare hands
- And then wiping it on my clothes
- Literally picking the boogers out of his nose when there is a crusty one stuck to the edge
- Describing "crusty boogers" stuck to the edge of a nose
- The very many--and precise-- adjectives I use to describe poop.
- In public
- Not necessarily using my inside voice
- The long drip of milk that has dried on AJs wall next to his glider that I keep forgetting to wash off.
These things are just part of life now, and I can't not smile at them. And aside from my clothes not looking so pristine, and the fact that you may not want to shake my hand anymore, I guess I figure, he is a baby, how yucky can his stuff really be? Some day he will be move into real boyhood, with dirt and worms and smelly [insert sport here] gear. And then I think I will have a new definition of gross once again.
Monday, October 10, 2011
AJ was here
I have the legs of a 7 year old. I literally think that 7 year old Danielle actually had FEWER bruises on her legs than I do now, and that's saying something because I was one clumsy kid. From the knees down, my shins are littered with black and blues in various stages of purple. I guess this is from crawling around on the floor with AJ and accidentally landing on his toys.
The best, though, are the tiny almost perfectly circular bruises that I have on my upper thighs. One might wonder how one gets tiny almost perfectly circular bruises on one's upper thighs... My son has very pointy toes and he loves to stand up when he is on my lap.
I still feed him in the glider, which sits next to a window. After he is about 80% done with each bottle he takes a little break. On his break he climbs up mommy and stands, toes pointed, on my lap, his little arms perched on the windowsill. Its adorable really. He gets into that position then smiles like a proud little monkey and he bang bang bangs his hands on the windowsill and the window. He stares at the trees, maybe he sees a little of his reflection too. Bottom line, he loves it and the kid seriously thinks he can walk. I keep asking him, as he gets fingerprints all over the window, if he is planing his escape route. I'm on to you little buddy!
The best, though, are the tiny almost perfectly circular bruises that I have on my upper thighs. One might wonder how one gets tiny almost perfectly circular bruises on one's upper thighs... My son has very pointy toes and he loves to stand up when he is on my lap.
I still feed him in the glider, which sits next to a window. After he is about 80% done with each bottle he takes a little break. On his break he climbs up mommy and stands, toes pointed, on my lap, his little arms perched on the windowsill. Its adorable really. He gets into that position then smiles like a proud little monkey and he bang bang bangs his hands on the windowsill and the window. He stares at the trees, maybe he sees a little of his reflection too. Bottom line, he loves it and the kid seriously thinks he can walk. I keep asking him, as he gets fingerprints all over the window, if he is planing his escape route. I'm on to you little buddy!
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Am I alone in this?
Do other moms forget to pee? Because I seriously can go all day without peeing, especially on busy AJ filled weekends. Its like I'm hopping from one thing to the next, ignoring critical body signals like hunger, thirst, and bladder relief. Then he goes to sleep and I'm like holy moly I'm about to explode. I can't be the only one.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Nothing is Wrong aka People are Idiots
Whoa, time flies when you are working full time and have a rapidly growing adorable baby boy! Lets see, to sum up:
-I did not lose any milk in Hurricane Irene, despite a few hours without power. Mother Nature must have breastfed.
-AJ is now sleeping through the night. All of a sudden he just started to do it. We went with it (obviously) and lovingly accept the fact that he is an early bird (likes to wake up for 6am). I am dreading changing the clocks, but for now, we enjoy.
-I am about to leave on my first work trip in about a year. My first trip away from my little boy. ooof. Just when he is starting to reach for me and hug me and hang on me... I will even miss him biting my chin for the next 4 days!
AJ's rate of growth and change is ever-quickening. He knows the "light" now... he doesn't say it but he can identify it. He claps hands. I swear the other day he laid a random sock on his foot as if to say it belongs there. Which is funny because he spends most of the time trying to take his socks off. He enthusiastically eats all the fruits and veggies that we've tried with him. He even loves peas. His hair is a light light brown, and his eyes seem to be stuck on hazel. Most people lately think he looks more like Joe. The birthmark on his hand is getting lighter and lighter. I'm glad for that, mainly because it bothers me when people say "Whats wrong with his hand?"
Nothing is wrong with his hand. His hand works perfectly. In fact I find it extra cute when he holds an object in his hand and explores it by doing this circular wrist movement that must take the coordination of a million little baby muscle fibers. So I wish people would stop making it sound like his hand is about to fall off. Its a birthmark. It will fade, maybe even disappear, but nothing is wrong with his hand.
I can't decide if that question bothers me more or less than when people say "does he have a tattoo?". I wish I were kidding. More than one ADULT has said this. Yes. Yes, indeed we took our infant over to Twisted Souls Tattoo on Main St. and got him some ink.
These are allegedly educated adults. Some of which are parents, so I would think they'd have some level of particular sensitivity. AJ isn't old enough to have his feelings hurt, but I worry about how mean kids are in school. Maybe not right away, but eventually the mean develops. I recognize that school is over 4 years away, so wasting worry on this is probably not the most effective use of my worry hours. But I look at that little face and those cheeks and that dimple and all I ever want is for him to be as happy as he is when he wakes up from a nap and we go in to greet him. Imagine we all woke up that happy every day? That would be awesome.
-I did not lose any milk in Hurricane Irene, despite a few hours without power. Mother Nature must have breastfed.
-AJ is now sleeping through the night. All of a sudden he just started to do it. We went with it (obviously) and lovingly accept the fact that he is an early bird (likes to wake up for 6am). I am dreading changing the clocks, but for now, we enjoy.
-I am about to leave on my first work trip in about a year. My first trip away from my little boy. ooof. Just when he is starting to reach for me and hug me and hang on me... I will even miss him biting my chin for the next 4 days!
AJ's rate of growth and change is ever-quickening. He knows the "light" now... he doesn't say it but he can identify it. He claps hands. I swear the other day he laid a random sock on his foot as if to say it belongs there. Which is funny because he spends most of the time trying to take his socks off. He enthusiastically eats all the fruits and veggies that we've tried with him. He even loves peas. His hair is a light light brown, and his eyes seem to be stuck on hazel. Most people lately think he looks more like Joe. The birthmark on his hand is getting lighter and lighter. I'm glad for that, mainly because it bothers me when people say "Whats wrong with his hand?"
Nothing is wrong with his hand. His hand works perfectly. In fact I find it extra cute when he holds an object in his hand and explores it by doing this circular wrist movement that must take the coordination of a million little baby muscle fibers. So I wish people would stop making it sound like his hand is about to fall off. Its a birthmark. It will fade, maybe even disappear, but nothing is wrong with his hand.
I can't decide if that question bothers me more or less than when people say "does he have a tattoo?". I wish I were kidding. More than one ADULT has said this. Yes. Yes, indeed we took our infant over to Twisted Souls Tattoo on Main St. and got him some ink.
These are allegedly educated adults. Some of which are parents, so I would think they'd have some level of particular sensitivity. AJ isn't old enough to have his feelings hurt, but I worry about how mean kids are in school. Maybe not right away, but eventually the mean develops. I recognize that school is over 4 years away, so wasting worry on this is probably not the most effective use of my worry hours. But I look at that little face and those cheeks and that dimple and all I ever want is for him to be as happy as he is when he wakes up from a nap and we go in to greet him. Imagine we all woke up that happy every day? That would be awesome.
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