How much is too much?

Last week Joe took AJ to ‘visit’ daycare, and he seemed to have a great time! We wanted to get him used to seeing it/being there before we just drop him off the first day.  AJ hasn’t had a ton of exposure to other kids, so I was afraid of how he would react.  Joe sent me a ton of pictures while they were there and while AJ was on the timid side, he did like it and smile a lot and then did not want to leave!

So today, I took him for his second visit so I could see how he did for myself.  Similar to his last visit he was a bit reserved.  The other kids, who are used to being there, are much more vocal and sometimes rambunctious (especially the ones who are almost 2 years old and will be moving on soon).  AJ didn’t cling to me, but did look for me and sometimes grabbed my finger the way he always does when he wants to bring me somewhere.   He played with the toys, but stayed near the back of the pack most of the time.  He sat down like a big boy during snack time, and other than trying to shove an entire apple slice in his mouth at once, loved his snack and was the last one to leave the table.

Mom however, was pretty much a wreck.  I held it together while we were there but once we got home and I called Joe, I was sobbing with rivers of tears streaming down my face.  I don’t think I am questioning our decision to send him, but I think I’m fully grasping the impact of him not having one-on-one attention day in and day out.  I’m wondering whether his being new and a bit shy will mean he won’t get the same interaction from teachers that the other kids will.  Will they ask him what color things are so that he learns?  Will they make him count to 5 like Mommy does 10x a day because it’s so freaking adorable?  Will they have enough eyeballs on him to make sure he doesn’t choke on entire apple slices or whole graham crackers??  I’ve never done this before, so I don’t know how much worry is the normal amount of worry or whether my mommy instinct is trying to give me warning signs.  Or is this the natural inclination to try and protect him and want to keep him in a little pouch like a kangaroo? 

Like every other transition he has been through, my guess is that he will be unfazed and my worry will far outpace any resulting bumps or boo-boos he might get at day care.  I just want him to stay the amazing happy kid that he is, always.

Updates.

Well, I wasnt intending to ignore this blog for 2 months, and then life was happening and, ooops, its now the end of August.  I feel like Ive been slacking terribly in my attempt to keep up with documenting what AJ is up to for my memory, if not your enjoyment!

At 18 months we have a very energetic little boy on our hands.  Walking, running, throwing, climbing, talking, tooth brushing, its too much fun!  He is trying to say words or talking to hear himself talk almost every minute of the day.  He makes an attempt to repeat words you say to him (he even counts to 4 with help!) but my favorite noise that he makes is "dadoo" .  He says it over and over again while running across the living room or hiding in our closet.  Oh yes, lots of hiding.  He will run and hide in the same places al the time (usually a corner in plain sight) and then, once he is good and ready-- which can be MINUTES-- he will finally look up or come out and say BOO!  But most times he waits quietly and patiently for you to find him.  I tell you it will be scary if he ever hides for real, I may never find him!

I'm still feeling totally inept at feeding him.  Even though we're past the food allergies and I have incorporated yogurt and cheese into his diet (still too scared to try eggs straight, but will try them IN things) I feel like I feed him the same things over and over and over.  And part of my issue, I know, is my own old hang ups with food and concern over making sure he is eating as nutritiously as possible.  Some days though, I wonder if I'm doing him a disservice.  He grew in the past 3 months and gained less than a pound... the doctor is not concerned and his development is right on track.... so why do I panic if I give him white pasta more than once a week?  He sometimes eats what we eat, but his 7 little teeth cant always handle the meaty stuff.  Ugh, anyway, I'm trying to relax more and find new ideas and not panic over every little thing.  He did eat brussel sprouts the other night!  Meaning I probably could've tried them months ago!  I think I need to sing the 'Confidence' song from The Sound of Music daily.

Cherish

You would think that after almost 16 months I would have accepted the enormity of the love that I have for AJ, but it still amazes me.  The past 2 weeks I have had a few observations as AJ seems to be developing by leaps and bounds.

1.  I literally daydream about what I would do if I were home with him every day.  I know I know, the grass is always greener.  But one day this week I left work and ran to Whole Foods to grab lunch, and I saw moms and babies and moms and toddlers, and I thought jeez, I'd totally take AJ food shopping!  We've been getting groceries delivered literally since he was born, so except for a trip or 2 here or there, its not something AJ and I do together regularly.  This quickly morphed into thinking about taking him on picnics, and up to the beach, and thinking about how he'd react to the seagulls flying around, and whether or not he'd be scared of the ocean waves. Story time at the library, or lunch with grandma and grandpa. The weekends are just too short, but we do try to do one thing to together each weekend, just mommy and AJ.  

2.  As much as I try to soak AJ in when I do have time with him, and despite the fact that my hard drive is busting at the seams with the number of pictures Ive taken to try to capture all of his moments, I am petrified that I'm going to forget the little details that are making each and every day with him so special.  This weekend he was babbling so many new noises, they were hysterical, he really thinks he is talking.  He tries to say so many words now and his memory is incredible.  He loves playing on the grass, and loves picking up rocks and collecting sticks when we are at the park.  I never thought teaching him to take 'one' Cheerio rather than his typical fist-ful would be a moment that filled me with pride, but it did.  Every day is a new discovery and my merely mortal memory can't retain all the mini-moments with the kind of accuracy my heart wishes for.   I just want to bottle every moment.  If nothing else I guess it has taught me that I have to be better about documenting these little things in some way, whether its his baby book, a journal or blog I feel like I have to record it somewhere.  

Roasted Chicken Thighs

Roasted Chicken Thighs... not some witty way of referring to AJs legs.  He hasnt had chicken thighs since about 3 weeks old.  Although he grew 1/2 an inch between 12 and 15 months, his legs remain cushioned with ample pudge... just calling for tickling fingers!

I'm actually literally referring to roasted chicken thighs, which I just took out of the oven.  My latest endeavor to get AJ to eat actual meat.  His typical reaction to meat of any non-babyfood kind is to put it in his mouth, then stick out his tongue and precisely remove said meat, placing it on his high chair.  But, mom isnt giving up and today we're trying something new.

I remember when I was pregnant and I went back to easting whole eggs (instead of just whites)-- it was like I rediscovered food!  Whole eggs are SO GOOD!  How did I ever convince myself that the whites alone were good enough?  Thats how I felt today with the chicken.  I was squarely in the white meat only camp for so long that I forgot the juicyness that is some dark meat.  If I can't convince AJ of this deliciousness, we may very well have a vegetarian on our hands!

In the past 2 months since I last blogged, its like we got a different kid!  He's walking-- most of the time first grabbing my finger and dragging me wherever he wants to go, just for a little more balance, but he's doing it!  He has so many 'words' now also, trying to repeat what we say even if much of it sounds similar.  I love to hear his daily babble, when hes playing alone or when he gets very excited about something.  He's probably sick of my quizzing him on what all the animals say but his lion roar is just too precious to go more than a few hours without hearing.  He still loves books, but Im noticing he gets bored more quickly so we have to swap out the rotation every few days.  Aj is also starting to communicate his preferences with vigor.  Well, more like when he doesnt want to do something he will surely let you know.  I see glimpses of tantrums in our future and I am pre-summoning as much patience as I can.

Oh, we finally got some more teeth too!  The count if 4 and climbing... 3 on bottom and one lone front tooth so far.  He asks to brush them about 10x a day but I'm still too nervous to use even baby toothpaste.

Ah and with that, I hear him up from his nap.  Some how in the last few weeks his wake up time has moved from 6:15am to 5:30am and I'm just not sure how to change that, other than becoming an early bird myself.  Not the worst thing, an extra half hour-45 mins with him in the morning is kind of a nice treat!

Just Kidding

So I'm not a doctor, and I'm not really sure how allergies work beyond the basics, but this one has got me totally thrown.  Saturday AJ had a reaction to eggs.  If you are keeping score, the progression has gone like this:

~2 months ago:  yolks, no reaction
~1 month ago:  whole egg, no reaction
Florida 3 weeks ago:  whole egg (undercooked?), a few hives all of a sudden while he ate
Last week:  Whole egg twice in the week, no reaction
Saturday:
Egg for lunch (ate the whole thing), red spots on face, or just messy eating?
Wake up from nap, hives on his face, ears very red and starting to swell(?!), followed by hives on neck, redness and hives on his legs, under arms and on belly.

Poor kiddo!  Although none of this seemed to phase him at all...so I guess poor mom and dad is more like it.

I had no idea your ears could swell from an allergy.  So, AJ got his first dose of Benedryl ever on Saturday and symptoms subsided within 30 minutes.  I don't know if the level of egg cooked-ness is a real thing or not, and maybe he'd be fine eating something with egg as an ingredient, but I'm not really very eager to try.

In happier news, AJ loves being outside now that the weather is nicer!  He constantly asks to go over to the window or door with an aggressive point of his arm.  He's been 'walking' holding our fingers more and more and even though when he tries to say most words they come out as "da" "ba" or "ka" he actually does have consistent words for 'up' (puh),  'milk' (ka), and 'car' (ca), not to be confused with his word for 'vacuum' which is more like a German back of the throat kkkkkkkkkaaaaa or the sound you would make if you swallowed a bug.  He is obsessed with the vacuum.  Even the swiffer will due in absence of a vacuum.  The cutest thing lately though is if you ask him if he has smelly feet, he reaches down to get his foot and smells it with a nose inhale sound and all.  He also plays peekaboo with himself in the mirror when he wakes up in the morning.  He has been much more willing to give mommy hugs and 'cuddle' with daddy, which he learned from one of his books, called (of course) "Cuddle".  He got a stuffed animal for Easter which he immediately hugged, as he does his other stuffed animals.  It is beyond adorable to see him start to show affection, and even kind of know what it means.  Almost 14 months old... where did the time go!

Worry of the Day

Since there probably is a new worry every day, sometimes founded, sometimes paranoid, here is today's:

When do we teach AJ that his name is actually Anthony?  I picture him on the first day of Kindergarten as his new teacher is taking attendance, and not answering when they say Anthony, and just sitting quietly hopeful that at some point in the list the teacher will say AJ.  Because as a Kindergartener, that's what I would've done.  We will definitely have to teach him to not be as polite as his mom.
Ooof.  Still better than teaching him hamburger = cow.

Reversal of Fortune

As it turns out, AJ is not allergic to eggs after all.  We tried again this weekend and he had no reaction, and actually ate the whole thing.  I don't know what happened last attempt but he is apparently over it, and I am rejoicing to have one more food to be able to give him.

This weekend we also tried salmon for the first time.  Perhaps it was because he was also having awesome, delicious sweet potato, but he hated the salmon.  Like, wouldnt even pick it up.  When he accidentally got some in his mouth he made a terrible face and picked it off his tongue.  Hilarious.  But the funny part for me was when I enthusiastically announced "AJ, we're having fish for dinner!' and he started to make the fishy noise that he makes when we see pet goldfish.  Oh my gosh.  Panic.  Someday I will have to explain that we eat animals. The animals that he plays with plastic toy replicas of and lovingly makes their sounds. In all of my anticipatory worry about parenthood, that was not a question I thought of!   Maybe we will just be vegetarians and I can avoid the topic forever!